it’s my birthday week and i’m reflecting, as i do every year around this time.
you know i always thought i’d be married with multiple kids at 26. so i ‘thought’ — and that’s just it.
i think those expectations were ones that i created at a young age. i created them, so how could they let me down? (false)
with my parents being divorced i even moreeee so wanted to have a successful-young-marriage + family. it’s all i could confidently say that i desired back then, and still in recent years.
it honestly hasn’t been until very recently, that i’ve come to heal wounds in which i never knew that i had… i at least didn’t know they were this deep.
i realized that i was filled with this rich desire to be married, more than i was filled with a desire to know my father —
so i missed out,
i missed the point,
and i missed the right ones.
you probably think that at this point, i’m living like it’s impossible, right?
well i’m not.
this is called grace.
this is called wisdom.
this is called healing.
and i’m sure as hell not done fighting the fight, that i was born to conquer 💛 .
i’ve now learned what it means to be a daughter.
i’ve stripped myself away from that cycle of being a doormat in love.
and i’ve begun to unravel my mummified resentment toward love… i’ve replaced it with trust.
some people assume healing like this takes months, or years, and sometimes it does… it did for me. yet at the same time – the process was supernatural once i said yes, because of my willingness + because of my fathers strength.
i really am new again.
i got tripped up on that doormat for a while, but i’m done now. i understand.
i can somehow see clearly again. clearer than i have been able to see i 26 years of blindness.
i have conquered.
i can see.
i am healed.
hope is alive, and dreams are not dead.
i think this is what 2020 is suooosed to look like, so why not start NOW, as my brand new year of life takes off.
He is good, guys. He is still, so good.
~ p.elise // instagram.com/p.elise___